YESTERDAY we ran a story about the Care Quality Commission’s less than flattering assessment of Phoenix Surgery in Toothill.

 

As far as I can tell, the Department of Health quango didn’t identify any actual instances of patients suffering.

Frankly, I’m not surprised about that, as I’ve never heard a bad word about the place.

Instead, the CQC mentioned far more important matters such as admin issues and not enough of the right sort of staff meetings being held.

Oh, and apparently the chairs in the waiting area are covered with a material which might be too absorbent in the wrong circumstances.

Or something like that.

Anyway, the whole affair has made me want to get a job with an official body whose role is assessing things. I’ve always wanted to present myself as a big, knowledgeable expert, and to be paid huge sums of money for pontificating on issues without any moral obligation to address or even acknowledge the causes of those issues.

Take GPs’ surgeries, for example.

They’re mobbed these days for various reasons, the main one being that there aren’t enough GPs. That’s because not a lot of newly-qualified doctors say: “Yes, I’d really love to become a GP. I can’t wait for the endless form-filling, the endless restrictions on finances, the horrendous working hours and the ceaseless pandering to the whims of fools in high places. Sign me up!”

None of these issues are the fault of the GPs themselves, of course. Rather, they’re the fault of people from the same department as the quango which does the inspecting.

As an inspector, though, you don’t have to bother with addressing such niceties and can just get down to heaping criticism on front line medical personnel.

And if by doing so you deter even more young medics from becoming GPs, that’s not your problem. I can’t decide whether I’d prefer to inspect GPs’ surgeries or schools.

Schools would probably be better as I can’t stand medical facilities. They’re full of sick people.

Also, if you’re inspecting schools you can be a bit more creative in the assessing lark. First, you can stand by and do not a lot while top people in other parts of the education establishment set all manner of unattainable targets and deprive schools of cash.

Then you can amuse yourself by berating teachers for failing to reach those targets.

Who are the real snakes in the grass here?

I’M a wee bit bewildered by the criticism of social media companies lately for failing to do enough about online criminal activity.

When I last looked at the statute books, the authorities already had plenty of powers allowing them to look into such activity. In addition, any reasonably computer literate person is capable of getting around passwords and encryption.

If they were not, there would be no thefts of mobile phones, laptops and tablets because they’d be useless to anybody other than the rightful owner.

Tracking down people who misuse the internet for criminal purposes is also pretty easy, provided one has the time, the inclination and the resources. That is why, for example, there is an entire genre of online videos showing grubby perverts turning up for meetings with people they assume are youngsters, only to be confronted by jeering vigilantes.

Although I’m no particular fan of social media companies, blaming them is a cop-out.

If I take it into my head, say, to put a venomous snake in a cardboard box and send it to somebody for a laugh, surely I’m the guilty party rather than whoever manufactured the box?

Yes, the people who made the box are easier to track down and criticise, but that won’t stop me from sending more snakes until somebody gets around to catching me.

The police don’t stand a chance

WE should all welcome the news that the police have vowed to crack down on the people whose activities have made Swindon the nation’s capital for peeping toms and flashers.

I only hope the courts get some sort of memo, though.

Only a few days ago, a man who approached a woman in the town centre, made foul sexual comments and then sexually assaulted her was sentenced.

He was told by the court: “This was a sustained incident and it got worse than pestering as it got indecent.”

And then allowed to stroll free with a community order and one or two other trifling non-punishments.

Sometimes I think being a police officer in this town must be a bit like being a dog in a game of fetch.

After the stick or ball has been thrown away for the 50th or the 100th time, even the most patient and loyal must wonder why they bother bringing it back in the first place.

  • HEALTH body Change4Life has a great new app. Scan a bar code at the supermarket and it’ll tell you how much sugar, salt and other undesirable stuff is in the item.

I’m a bit scared to download it, though. I’m worried that it’ll just give up on scanning my stuff half way down the booze or cake aisle and remotely call an ambulance.

Or suggest I head for the book department and pick a volume of short stories…