Q. Hello me 'aul chipped china, it's Thomas your shiny silverback friend and co-writer from dreary old Dublin town!!


I invented this game a while back whilst driving to crappy gigs in a crappy van and thought you'd be the pefect man to play it.

Pick 3 bands of the most polar opposites to play at what would undoubtedly be the worst/best festival ever!!

You're allowed 3 sets of 3, I'll start ya' off.

1. Stackridge - Megadeath & Freddie & The Dreamers.

2. Pete Brown & Piblokto - Stacey Latislaw & Jo Boxers.

3. Steampacket - Take That & Al Jarreau.

Surely you can add to that rogue's gallery Partsy?? How much would a three-day ticket be for festival number 2 eh??


Love - Thomas.xx

A. Thomas,you little tinker.


Fancy hunting me out laid here in the grimey corner of the Evening Advertiser "Dungeon of the stars". You rascal ,I ought to put you across my knee and...wait, thinks, would my knee really want to off itself in such a ghastly manner?.

Okay, I'm up for it. Here's the top three headline acts over the three days of "the anti-Wheely festival". Do bring biodegradable tent pegs and Watneys party 7's.

Lothar and the Hand People - the Nolans - Magma Racey - Stump - Val Doonican The Joystrings - Iggy and the Stooges - Vera Lynne Wow! Now I need to lay down. You've brought out the satanic Michael Eavis in me.

You Magners breathed fiend.


Andy