Who among you cannot forget the previous instalments of my popular On This Day feature, much as you might try?
There was the excerpt from a Roman era Advertiser which looked at accident problems on the A419 dual-chariotway. Then fast forward to the year 1839 when two stroppy little teenagers named Danny Boy Gooch and Ike Brunel got into trouble with the local fuzztabulary for littering the fields of New Swindon with their uneaten sandwiches.
And we even managed to take a look into the future with a cutting from the year 2057, to see how the Szpital Swindinska is gearing itself up to deal with a sudden surge of non-obese patients who don't require special lifting equipment.
So now, hold on to your hats as we set the controls for 4500 years ago with a dip into the pages of the Neolithic Advertiser dated February 21, 2492 BC …
Local planners are up in arms over entrepreneur Ken Fossil’s partially completed megalithic monument in the picturesque village of Avebury.
Mr Fossil, a partner in the Henge & Bracket property development group, has erected a circle of enormous sarsen stones which almost encircles the village. And he is now building a large ditch as part of his ambitious plans for a pleasure park based on theme of ritual worship through the ages.
Local residents have set up a pressure group to oppose the development.
“It’s disgraceful,” said villager Ivor Flintaxe. “This used to be such a quiet area. Once the theme park is opened we will be overrun by coachloads of pagans. Worst of all, we’ve got a whacking great sarsen boulder blocking the entrance to our pit dwelling.”
Ken Fossil, 59, defended his actions. “My development will be of the highest quality. It will bring much-needed jobs to the area which has been an employment blackspot since the Dine-o-saur meat packing factory closed last year. We are currently recruiting high priests and virgins and anyone interested should send in their CV.”
When challenged by Mr Flintaxe that it was a “megalithic monstrosity”, he replied that it would look a lot better “once the roof goes on”.
The monument is currently half finished while Mr Fossil awaits the results of a planning enquiry.
If he loses, some villagers in Avebury are worried that the site will be abandoned and the stones left where they are.
“We have a responsibility to ensure that future generations do not remember our Neolithic culture by this heap of stones,” said the village’s barmiest resident, famed kraut-rocker and local historian Julian Cope, 103 tomorrow.
This is just the latest in a series of planning rows that have rocked this sleepy corner of Wessex.
Only recently estate agents Druid Neate were in trouble for falsely claiming that a new development of homes to be built on the Flint Garden site at Swine-Dune had “luxuriously appointed communal cesspits” and "individual burial chambers".
And last July, Roland Stone, a farmer at nearby Silbury was prosecuted after dumping a huge mound of topsoil in his field and claiming it was constructed overnight by visiting aliens "so they could get a better view of the crop circles".
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article