I was on the bus the other day, with the dangerous one. We were on a school trouser mission. My lanky son had decided to have yet another growth spurt, hence the need for new school trousers.

The bus was quite crowded, with it being a Saturday. Fortunately, I only had one child with me. I had left the rest, despatched in various places around the town pursuing their hectic social lives. It had been with reluctance that I had taken Alfie. But, my other half was drilling at home and poor Alfie is petrified of the drill. He actually prefers shopping to the drill, which is quite shocking!

Anyway, here we were on the bus, Alfie was sat snuggled up next to me on his seat, whilst every now and again attempting to wipe a rather snotty nose, on my coat sleeve. Alf loves the bus, he has developed my people-watching hobby and the bus is a great place for this. You get all sorts on Thamesdown Transport buses I strongly recommend it for entertainment purposes alone! You might not get your change, but so what, sitting on a bus is better than watching an episode of Eastenders any day in my opinion.

My trouble started when Alf noticed a lady boarding the bus. I say lady, but she really did look quite masculine. Alfie had a slight problem deciding if this was a man or lady. “Is that lady mum?” He asked me slightly confused “Yes Alf” I replied, “that is a lady” He looked at me doubtfully. His lack of confidence in what I say is obviously not brilliant. Perhaps this is down to the time I tricked him and told him Dora the Explorer had gone to the seaside and could not be on the TV? Perhaps he doubted me because I was full of tales about geriatric old men dressed in red delivering presents? Or could it be the story about the fairies coming in the middle of the night to collect teeth?

Throughout the whole journey, he continued to turn around and stare at this lady, in an attempt to determine whether she truly was a lady. He was sure taking his time making his mind up over this one. It was embarrassing and I tried everything to stop him continually turning around to stare. The bus trip seemed to take an age and my distraction skills were wearing thin, when eventually we reached our destination. I got up with him to get off the bus when all of a sudden; he turned around looked at this lady and said at the top of his voice “Bye Bye Lady Man!” Oh dear, cringe.