FOR Lesley Hughes, getting married and starting a family was something she had dreamed of for many years.
But at seven months pregnant, it was clear that something was not quite right.
She began suffering with frustration, crying, overwhelming feelings of not being able to cope and increased anger.
After several months, Lesley, 36, an administrator from Park South, was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression (PND) by her doctor.
Now, two years on and finally able to see some light at the end of the tunnel, she has set up an online support group for others in a similar position where she can offer first-hand experience.
“I am not a counsellor, just a mum who has experienced and continues to experience many symptoms,” she said.
“It is such an overwhelming, constant feeling.
“It is an everyday struggle and I just want to bring this illness to the forefront, without replacing the fact that you need to seek help from a doctor.”
Lesley, whose son Jake recently turned two, said nothing specific triggered her change in feelings when she was seven months pregnant, but it made it difficult for her to bond with her new-born in the way she had expected.
“I had wanted to be a mum for a long time, I was very maternal,” she said.
“I had been really looking forward to the birth, then all of a sudden, something changed inside me and those excited feelings just seemed to go away. I read that it was quite normal and just assumed it would go away.”
Lesley recalls a time while driving with her son in the car, and having an urge to let go of the steering wheel.
She once even packed her bags and considered leaving Jake at home for his dad when he got home from work.
“I just felt that they would get on better without me,” she said.
“I would have thoughts of hurting my baby running through my mind, and then the worry that I will actually do something makes me process the thoughts further.
“I couldn’t switch off from them.”
Lesley was given medication and counselling and is now feeling positive about her family’s future.
She said: “I have my good days and bad days. There is still not a strong bond there, but I look forward to spending time with him now and I enjoy the time I spend with him.”
l To visit the group, search Swindon Post Natal Depression Support Group on Facebook.
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