Warning: This column may contain nudity.

I don’t want it to but it seems you can’t move for naturist stories in the news these days.

I saw the mass nude photo that was staged on Sydney's Bondi Beach in a bid to raise awareness of skin cancer.

You may have seen this kind of group photo before.

You can’t actually see anything too rude but it’s still tempting to look in detail at the picture to see if someone has stood in the wrong place.

It’s like a game of Where’s Wally if there were a typo.

Doing such events in Australia makes sense.

It’s warm down under right now. Meanwhile in the UK, nudists flocked to Alton Towers for a special clothes-free weekend.

Why would you want to go on thrilling theme park rides in the buff?

As you zoom around on the rides I find the wind can be quite cold and I am normally fully clothed during it.

This is November. It must be bracing to say the least.

The British Naturism group holds the event at this time of year because the venue is closed to the public.

That makes sense.

If you were visiting the resort and saw a naked person get off a ride you’d think: “Wow. That ride went faster than they expected!”

A spokesperson for the group said, “We take over the entire Splash Landings hotel,” which feels like the worst name possible.

The third related news story was about a private dinner in a pub booked for 22 naturists.

It was cancelled after locals complained saying it might distract traffic.

Surely you’d only notice them if they were pressed up against the glass.

If they’re that desperate to get out they’d use the door.

While I am in favour of people living their lives in the way they desire there’s something about these stories that remind me I am a prude.

I know what I am like.

If I walked in and saw a room full of diners with no clothes on my first reaction would be, “They’ve got a bad moth problem in this pub.”

My second reaction would be to feel awkward.

I know I’d never be able to relax if I tried to attend such an event.

Being naked in a theme park sounds like a stress dream I have.

Being nude in a restaurant would be worse. I worry the waiter for ask me if I’m ready to order. I’d say, “How’s the shrimp?”

The waiter would say, “It looks fine, Sir. Now, would you like to order,” and I’d have to run off in shame.